22 Nov 2007

It wasn't a fight, but it was a gigantic clearing of the air tonight between Tamsen and myself. She told me all the things she'd been worrying about and why she was so scared to get married. She worries that she's going to have to give up her vision of the future, worried that she doesn't feel like herself, and told me that she thinks that I'll end up regretting marrying her. (That last one hurt a lot.) I was really scared she was going to call the whole thing off for a significant part of the night, and was coming up with contingency plans for if she did. (We haven't sent out any invitations yet, which takes care of a lot of it. I couldn't get money back for the Seattle trip, but that's life. And then I'd just go home and pick up the pieces from there.) It was a pretty scary thing. When she said she was going to bed, I gave her a sort of forlorn look, since I wasn't feeling all that great, and we both headed our separate ways.

And then, just as I was backing out of the driveway, she came out, gave me a kiss, and told me that she loved her. How did she know that I was kicking myself at that very moment for not having told her the same thing before leaving?

20 Nov 2007

I was thinking earlier today that if I hadn't taken this job - a job that gives me a schedule completely opposite from my fiancee and makes it nearly impossible to see her - I wouldn't have been able to get so much wedding planning done. I have all this free time during the day to print invitations, take care of my tuxedo, and all sorts of things like that. Working at night also makes it possible for me to take this substitute teaching job I'm going to start in a week or two. Turns out a job that I thought would be horrible has ended up being more of a blessing than anything else.

18 Nov 2007

Man, home teaching just gets better and better. I used to really have a hard time with it - not that I resent it or anything, but just that I didn't really get it, and thus didn't really see a need for it. I look forward to it now. I love getting the chance to bear my testimony and remind myself that the Church really is true. (It's also good to get a chance to build up the testimonies of others, but that's something else.) While talking with Ben, Sara, and Cherise (sp?) today, I realized what an awesome thing home teaching has been for me this year. It's always nice to get a chance to strengthen my own testimony in the course of strengthening others. I really like it.

I need to do this more often. Man, this is great.